From Lay It Down,2000
Jennifer Knapp"What I do I don't want to do and so goes the story."
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This line comes from Romans, but for some reason I recite Jennifer Knapp in my head instead of Paul.
I mostly think about this in relation to working out / eating healthy (which I know dumbs down the original meaning a bit). No matter how much I tell myself that being healthy and feeling good about myself really is worth the effort, I can't seem to make it stick. I have never once regretted spending time at the gym, but when the alarm clock starts singing, I hit the snooze. I feel no more rested when I finally wake up, I just feel bad for skipping my morning exercise.
It's hard for me to believe myself when I promise that this try will stick because I have been unsuccessful so many times. If someone else lied to me as much as I have lied to myself, I wouldn't want that person in my life. I guess I need to find a way to earn back my own trust--if that makes any sense at all.
I don't know if Jennifer Knapp (or Paul) makes me feel better or worse. Partly I think, "Well, at least I am not the only person who gets stuck," but I also think, "If after 2000 years of evolving, humans still find themselves in the same predicaments, what makes me think I can succeed any better than our friends in scripture?"
I guess all I can do is to keep on trying, while trusting that I need something greater than humanity (which is proven to fail). If, however, any of you have some magic answers to this age old question, please, share the wisdom.
